This morning, The One went to play with his drummer partner. I scattered the boys at their friends’ places and stayed at home with the little one. She is glued to the computer as if there are not enough self-guilt feelings in the world, and I quickly need to produce a huge stock of them.
I did shopping online, and compared it with the last supermarket bill. Results were that it is quite clear that buying online will save us money. Almost everything is cheaper there and almost no impulsive buying, because you’re buying online using a web form. It is true that some stuff is missing, but you can do a separate list on the fridge and once in a while we will complete whatever is missing in the supermarket. Besides, I thing I can manage living another 41 years without smoked paprika. I think I’ll try that.
Anyway, when he came back he said that when they jammed, they also talked about our plan to leave the matrix. Suddenly he said “Tell me, what is actually the problem you’d be a doula in all places we will be traveling?”.
I looked at him. In a second it was clear to me that – of course! It seems so obvious. More than that, this is one more way to get out of the matrix. It moved me to tears. It took me a few more minutes to get myself together and explain to him about the matrix of doulas.
Being a doula in the western world, deep inside the system, this means, among other things –
• Be on call 24/7, 365 days a year.
• Be alerted so you cannot be for a single second without your phone. Constantly being worried about potential technical problems in the phone. As a matter of fact, since the era of smartphones I think that our already large anxiety even got larger. You all know how quickly the battery runs out in the new smartphones comparing to the old traditional mobile phones, but certainly it has not occurred to you how much anxiety it can produce.
• Download a smartphone app that does a reverse incoming calls filtering. Those numbers defined as critical will ring even if the phone is in quiet mode. Now you become too anxious about the app will function in money time.
• Be networked with backups. It is simply impossible without it.
• Be stressed with what if the birth will start and the man is not at home. What if he is abroad or at work (which is in our case a least an hour drive away, at best).
And there’s more, I‘ll save it from you .
In short, it took me one second, I swear, to understand that being a doula outside the Matrix is itself part of leaving the matrix! This means not to suffer from the constant alertness, because I’m simply there. Why should I care at what time I am being called? It is not that the children stay alone. It’s not that I have to drive them or return them or drive them or return them or … Get it!?
Being a doula when you’re outside the matrix, per definition, captures the very essence of why we decided to do this whole drill. You eat the cake and leave it whole.
Enjoy being a doula (just about the most amazing job in the world!) without suffering from the alertness. No, no, it is simply ingenious.
Ask any doula in the world what make her hate her job. All unanimously will answer without hesitation – being alert . We hate it because it makes us tense, challenging our ability to trust that what needs to happen will eventually happen, makes us stupid in our own eyes when eventually things indeed happen as they should and we’ve been worried for nothing, makes us fight with our husbands, feel guilty for our children. In short – and worst – sometimes birth alertness makes us almost despise the births themselves. Just almost, but it still hurts.
Each doula will say that attending a birth without being hysterically alerted is to live the dream. It beats the system. It’s out of the matrix big time.
Now, as has already happened many times since our journey began, a new and exciting insight lands in front of us, taunting us while making its way into our reality.
Lol